Rick's Poetry: Pain - September 16, 2001

Pain
(c) September 16, 2001

I've been under saddness
for so long it seems
how long does it take
to shape a man like me

I have died so many times
smothered in my grief
how much longer now
to breath some sweet relief

Torment of two worlds
each inside my mind
who's to say who's right
should I take a side

One breeds intense sorrow
another clings to pain
these are just the choices
death wishes to explain

Saddness is most certain
to be my lonely fall
sinking ever smaller
till demise weeps one last call

Pity my poor dueling minds
still so much left inside
I must gather strength
to make that final ride

Free me God, I'm ready
please take my soul today
I've really now had all
my painful heart can take

by Ricky D. McKean

Rick McKean (1962-2011)

Rick McKean graduated a track star from Capital High School in Boise, Idaho. After serving in the U.S. Navy with the construction batallion and operating heavy machinery, and time in abroad in Guam, Rick was honorably discharged and took residence in Oxnard, California, near the naval base.

After working several years in various trades, including light aircraft maintenance, locksmith and auto repair, Rick worked for a paper pulp recycling plant in Oxnard until the late 90s. Expressing his love for the ocean, and despite physical limitations, he took up scuba diving and enjoyed good times with friends exploring the Channel Islands off the Ventura coastline. Rick suffered from depression and alcoholism.

The poetry on this site was written in 2001-2002 while an inmate at California Correctional Facility, Salinas, California. After parole, Rick again took residence in Oxnard, purchased a boat, and lived on the water in Channel Islands Harbor. Continuing his appreciation of nature and the environment, Rick worked in harbor maintenance, patrolling the harbor and collecting/dislodging debris that had washed in from sea.

Rick continued to live on his boat and attend AA meetings and treatment programs, and eventually was issued a driver's license and bought a car. In 2010, he drove his car to his home state of Idaho and visited his family whom he had not seen in many years. Despite numerous physicial limitations, Rick continued to live his life to the fullest extent, including handling nearly all of the maintnenance of his boat/home.

In late 2010, Rick bought a new computer, with the intention to publish these poems online. In January of 2011, Rick suffered an untimely death where he sustained a head injury repairing his boat, lost balance, and fell into the water, and succombed to the cold temperatures.

This blog contains Rick's Poetry.

(c) Ricky Dale McKean 2001, 2001

Rick's Poetry

Pain - September 16, 2001

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